Self-Esteem & Why We Need to Change

I've been thinking a lot about change lately; what does it take to change, how do we change?

That's all about the HOW.

But what about the WHY? Why do we need to change?

We need to change in order to raise the opinion we have of ourselves; for the sake of our SELF-esteem.

I believe each one of us has a shining vision in our mind's eye of our ideal self; the self we know we could be if we really tried - if we stopped doing the things that are holding us back and started doing the things that could propel us forward.

And every time we begin to live in accordance with that vision of our ideal self, we feel good about ourselves. We have an extra spring in our step like Tigger, and the world seems like a shinier happier place; we feel more hopeful about everything and life's problems - when they arise - seem manageable.

But when we don't live in accordance with that vision of our ideal self, we feel bad about ourselves. We walk through the world like Eyeore, with a grey cloud over our heads and the world is a dark and dreary place. We feel hopeless about everything and life's problems, when they arise, seem unmanageable.

That is the "why" in WHY we need to change.

You know I'm right.

You've experienced this, I know you have because I'm quite certain that this is one of those "part of the human condition" things; it's something that everyone goes through.

Now the ways in which we each want to change differs greatly; my idea of my best self is not your idea of your best self. That's fine; life context, personality, upbringing, etc. are all things that contribute to our values which contribute to that image of our ideal self.

That's why we don't need a self help book to tell us the WHAT about the ways we each need to change. With our ideal self as a beacon, we know the WHAT.

We might need help on the HOW, but we know instinctively about the WHAT.

We know by the way we feel; and if we haven't yet developed our sense of intuition, no worries. We can think of it like that game we used to play as kids "Hot or Cold" - with every action we take are we getting "hotter or colder" in the direction of our ideal self?

We know that. We don't need anyone to tell us that. We can feel that.

The "why" of WHY we need to change is so that we can, as much as possible, live in alignment with the vision of our ideal self.

And we want to live in line with the vision of our ideal self because we deserve to live a fantastic life.

Now we may need to work through a few emotional hurdles in order to believe that we deserve to live our best life and that we do deserve good things, but that's a whole other kettle of fish.

Every time we take a step that's in line with the the vision of our ideal self, every time we get "hotter," we believe in ourselves a little bit more, we respect ourselves a little bit more, and the world looks like a shinier, happier place.

For the most part, the experience of being alive doesn't happen from the outside in; it happens from the inside out.

And we have the power to make our world a better place every time we take a step in the direction of the ideal vision of ourselves because as a result, we begin to believe in ourselves more and more.

And that my friends, is what self-esteem is; what do I think of myself, how much do I respect myself, based on what I do?

The "based on what I do" is "what I do whether or not anyone else is watching" because we can fool the whole world, but we cannot fool ourselves.

The larger the discrepancy between the self we show the world and the self we are in private, the more we doubt ourselves, the more we feel like imposters.

The smaller the discrepancy, the more we believe in ourselves, the more we can own our right to take up space.

There is no "the world" there is only "my world" for we are each at the centre of our own universe. And if we act in alignment with our ideal self, regardless of what is happening in the outside world, the sun will always shine within.

How do you show up to yourself when you look in the mirror?

Whenever your personal performance is consistent with yourself ideal, your self esteem rises.

Whenever you fall short of your self ideal, yourself self esteem goes down.

The more you perform in accordance with your ideal, the more you like yourself.

The more you like yourself, the better you perform; there is an upward perpetual cycle of success created in your life.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

This above all: to thine own self be true
And it must follow, as the night the day
Thou canst not then be false to any man


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