I DON'T MIND: How to Detach From Outcome

Image Credit: Vika Strawberrika on Unsplash


The fastest and easiest way to detach from outcome is by having faith in your life's path; the benefit of detaching from outcome is that you end up worrying less.

Buddhists say that suffering comes from attachment.

Attachment to things.

Attachment to people.

Attachment to certain events happening or not happening in a particular way.

Based on personal experience, I agree with this entirely. The times in my life when I've suffered the most are the times I've been the most attached to any of the above.

Preference causes suffering.

Logically, the solution then is not to have any preferences.

But HOW ON EARTH is that POSSIBLE?!!! How can you avoid preferring one thing over another, this over that?

By remembering that anything you think you want is because of the associated feeling you believe having that thing will give you.

The way to stay in detachment is by being open to the possibility that you can get the feeling you're after through different means.



Let's say you dream of having more money because you want to feel abundant. (The dolla, dolla bills y'all.)

If you get attached to a particular way of having that money delivered (a raise at work, winning the lottery) then you'll inevitably be disappointed if the money doesn't arrive through that particular channel.

But what if you simply focused on allowing abundance in whatever form it wanted to enter your life? Abundance can come in through the most unexpected ways when you detach from the method of delivery.

In my own life, I've seen abundance come in by way of unexpected refunds landing in my bank account, being in the right place at the right time in order to benefit from a huge discount on something I had wanted to purchase, and getting money for things I didn't realize I was owed money for.

All of those things made me feel abundant and I didn't need to get a raise at work or to win the lottery. (Although Universe, if you're listening, I'm totally open to either of those possibilities.)


Most of us think of romantic love when we envision love coming into our lives, and that's perfectly fine.

But if you remember that it's the feeling of being loved you're really after, then you can stay open to receiving it in so many other ways:
  • Love from friends or family and all of the kind and thoughtful things they do for you
  • Love from pets and fur friends and the unconditional love and snuggles you get from them
  • Love from yourself when you honour your own needs
Image Credit: Author

My point is: it's absolutely fine to attach to wanting to feel a certain way, but it's important to detach from the how of it - a.k.a. what in your life is going to make you feel that way.

Suspend what you know, what you think you know about action. Pay attention, look, listen; look at what you do in a different light. If you do that, you will lose your fear of many of the actions you are afraid to take. If you can see getting a new job and put it on the level of brushing your teeth, then walking into the interview would be calm and peaceful. And if they want you, fine, if they don’t, fine, there are other people, other places.

This is what faith does; it puts many of your actions on an equal footing. Because in reality this is what brings you peace, is the knowing that whatever you do or don’t do, you’re going to be ok. Your life is going to be ok. It might not be exactly as you think it should be, but it will be all right. And all of a sudden, things that used to seem very fearful, you can be at peace with. Things you thought you could never handle, you will be at peace with. And when actions have more equality, you will find that there is more excitement in the possibility of doing something new, doing something different.

Stay curious; don’t make up your mind. When you feel, and when you know the direction that you are supposed to go in – it feels right – don’t make up your mind that you know exactly what that action is going to look like, is going to feel like. Be open, stay open.

Once you make up your mind, that’s when the fear begins. Because what if it doesn’t turn out that way? What happens inside of you when you make up your mind about something, when you’ve decided something, and then it starts to go differently once you’re in the middle of it, what happens for you? If you start to feel frightened, like the rug is being pulled out from under you, stop and look at yourself. Ask yourself “When did I get certain about this? When did I stop being curious?"

If you stay curious you stay at peace with the unknown. You are content to allow it to unfold; you are content to wait to see what’s around the corner, until you get around the corner.

The above is the answer to WHY you should detach from outcome - because when you do, you will either worry less or stop worrying entirely. (And who doesn't want to worry less, am I right?)

The other thing that's allowed me to detach from particular outcomes is hindsight.

The benefit of getting older is the ability to look back and realize how many times in my life I thought I really, really wanted something, only to get it and be incredibly disappointed. Or to not get it and then with the passage of time, to realize that not getting it meant that I actually dodged a bullet.

What I know for sure: I'm not actually very good at determining what will or won't make me happy. I don't know what I truly want and need to make me happy, but I do know that letting go of attachment to any particular outcome feels peaceful, and peace makes me happy.

Anytime I think I have a preference, I remind myself to stay open to other possibilities; other ways the feelings I'm looking for might manifest in my life.

It takes a lot of discipline to stay detached and to surrender - to flow with life - because we live in a society that doesn't understand flow - we PUSH, we STRIVE, we CONTROL, we MANIPULATE, we FORCE.



Detachment happens through belief in a grand plan.

Detachment happens through a deep knowing that all roads lead to Rome, so it doesn't really matter which road you take, because you'll get to where you're going regardless.

Detachment happens through a belief in knowing that what's truly yours can never be taken away from you.

Detachment happens from knowing that you don't always know what's best for you.

If I didn't believe all of the above, I wouldn't be able to stay detached.

I used to try to control everything and line-up external circumstances. Now I focus on lining up internal circumstances.

Power is influence over external events. 
Peace is influence over internal events.

When you're detached from outcome, you hold all the cards. When it just doesn’t matter if you get something or not, if something happens or not, then you get to call the shots.

If you need something to happen and it looks as though it might not, fear sets in and you lose the upper hand, you lose your bargaining power. And if you want it too badly, you’ll be tempted to settle because having something will feel better than having nothing.

But when you know in your heart that you can walk away - that you don't actually NEED this person, place or thing, that it doesn't have to be this way or that -  then there's no need to control or manipulate circumstances because you can just let it be whatever it is.

Detachment from outcome is the ultimate power position because it's the most peaceful place to live from.

So... ask for everything, but attach to nothing.

Image Credit: Unknown


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